she moves. shes moved.

my extremely charming boyfriend(theres more than meet the eyes, ok) send/dedicate the following video to me.

even though he did not produce the video himself, still, its soooo sweet, touch my heart and tears roll down my cheeks everytime i watch it. how can i not fall in love with him?

‘every little things that you do, baby, i’m amazed by you..’ hee…

here, enjoy..

finally i’ve told them!!

 yup.. told them that i wont be renewing my contracts with the company.

my colleague isn’t so happy with the news. automatically she quips ‘how can you leave me in such short notice? you know that i have to get a replacement for you. and then you gotta handover everything to her PROPERLY’ and then she goes on saying that we got a great boss who doesnt care what we do behind his back as long as whenever he wants something, we can provide. she was almost hinting that i’m missing out the trip to the Netherlands.

hellooo… i dont just go because i want to ok. i have analyse the outcome properly and i think this is the best solution.

i believe its time to move on. to move out of my comfort zone although the thoughts of being unemployed again freaks me out big time. and i’m not so cool with going through interviews again. but just because something freaks me out, i shouldn’t stop searching what is best for me. right?

how can anyone be satisfied when i was paid peanuts and where after two years of hard labour, i dont feel a sense of belonging in the company. i dont even belong to department. whats my department? they asked. project management is my answer. no no you’re from temp contract.

And dear missus, I’ve hinted you lotsa of times that I’m not gonna continue my employment here. Why the hell will I tell you about the companies posting their vacancies in Classifieds and the fact that I told you that I’ve even submitted my resumes. And you knew too that my contract will finish at the end of September.

You’re happy here. I’m not. Its sad that the highlights of my work life here is when the Ice Cream Men are around and of course, that trip to South America. If you’re satisfied working here, let be it. You’re old(sorry to say) and have work for many different companies of different industries. I’m not. I have yet to explore the world beyond Kland.

The thing is Missus, I’m tired. I’m tired of complaining before, during and after work. Theres more to be done than just complaining.

And complaining doesn’t change anything anyways.

So, here, the post Kland eras, emerge a brand new career, with an all new life to look forward to.

Wish me Luck!!

i dont want my blog to be a whiny one. but i dont have anything smart to say, i dont have a point of view for anything right now, i dont have a story to tell.

my life is uninteresting. what is there to talk about but whine?

and i’m dumb.

no, i’m not dumb. i’m just dumbfounded. feeling a little less smart than i usually was.

exams is just a month away. where the hell are my notes?????

and i think i’m gonna stop baking.

since no one at home appreciates them.

(by appreciating i mean, not eating)

so far, i’ve baked something edible and i shall say, almost delicious(hah).. i dont know, perhaps my family isnt much of pastries/cake eaters? what the whoos. i wont bake anymore.

except for hari raya. and then, i’m done with baking. except for cookies of course..

 Except for The Almighty, I’m not afraid (maybe) of many things in the world. But theres one thing that will always give me the shudder everytime i think of it. Its the most natural thing that happens to every (wo)mankind and no one can escape from it. It ticks every milli second and will not stop untill the end of time.

I’m refering to growing. growing old. and i know many people who thinks the same way too. don’t you?

i remember i was seven and watching my sister taking her first steps, saying her first words(which i cant recall what it was. which reminds me of a time when my sister’s poop somehow got out of her diapers.. hehehe.. at least she didn’t swallow them thinking they’re chocolates.. huahahaha….). how cute she was with chubby cheeks and always staggering around with her hat on when she was outdoors or else her nose will bleed.

suddenly, she’s fifteen. gone mountain climbing on THREE mountains(when is my turn????), had her first boyfriend, played the guitar, going to Cambodia, found her bestfriends (although I’d say mine are waaaaaaaaaaay better. LOL), and evolved from cute to gorgeous. what happened to that little girl who would scamper looking for me whenever i yelled ‘ AZIEEEE CARI KAKAK!!’.

and yours truly is TURNING twenty-two. oh my gosh!! where did the numbers go? i was seven and then i’ll be twenty-two?? *slaps in the forehead* whats next?? i’ll be forty-five in a blink of eye?? noooooooo!! i cant imagine being forty-five. not even thirty!! and thirty is only eight years away. and if twenty years move with the speed of light, what is eight years?. but if (god willing) i’m forty-five, i’ll love to have at least two kids(one of each gender) or four would be good too if the finances and mental is more than stable. can you imagine four replicas of me?? sooooooooooooo cute!!! Ala tayang!!!!!!

why am i going there? what i’m trying actually trying to say is, i’m afraid to step into the future and find out what its going to be like. i wonder if i could tackle all upcoming problems and shoulder the responsibilities that will be cast upon me. just thinking of whats gonna happen at the end of this month, after i end my contract with my current employment already send chills down my spine. and trying to be a good sister or daughter, where responsibility can be considered minimal is already so hard to grasp. I didn’t really think of this before maybe because the reality of growing old and older havent struck yet or perhaps its because my parents made them look so easy!! LOL..

then, one fine day, sitting in the verandah flipping through picture albums of your school year, remembering the nostalgic moments being a teenager, a small voice shriek and point at a picture of you, “Is that you Granny? you’re sooo pretty!!” she beams and gives you the wettest kiss ever.

nyahaaa, lets not go there…

till then, Que Sera Sera…