she moves. shes moved.

too many things been going on.
rumours flying around.
atlas, im still here.
heartbroken. was really looking forward for a new environment.

and people kept telling,
“Well, the most important thing, you still got your job.”

and i wonders, is that really the most important thing?

its a sad sad situation right now.
i dont even know where to begin.
seems my parents’ prayers have answered.
my rezki murah.
and InsyaAllah, kalau rezki murah, i might get to get out of this hell hole.

Many months back, I’ve vowed myself to be a more observant blogger. I don’t want to blog about my emotions all the time. I want to be more meticulous on my blogging with more interesting stories to tell, mainly about my observations.

 It might be difficult for me to describe what I observed. Contrary to my bookworm nature, my vocabulary can be pretty limited. Blame it on my very short memory span. Hehe.. But I will not prevail. The choleric in me believe that I’m a fighter. I’ve always been except that I’m lazy.

I’ve long known that I can do whatever and whenever I want. The thing is, the phlegmatic in me has been quite strong. I procrastinate a lot. It kept holding me back. There is too many things to do! And sadly, I did nothing.

As I am typing this down, I’ve had ideas of what I’m going to do, but implementing it, might take awhile. First thing on my list, is to narrow down on what I really want to do with my life.

Life, literally and the profession that I might choose.

I’ve long known that deskbound job is not my ‘cuppa tea’. I have super short attention span and most of the time, i’m distracted, making me unproductive. I need to be on the move although I might appear to be too lazy to move (but I’m changing that deadly sin).

So, what is it that I would really want to do?

If I were to answer the above question honestly, all I want to do is to have tones of adventures. I fancy being in the wild, explore the vast of the forest, climbing mountains, just being with the nature, in the nature, within nature. All of which, I have yet to do. Although I might have a small problem, going to the toilet might be difficult for me. I’m not that fussy, not all the time, but when it comes to really huge business, I need my hose and tap water. Toilet papers doesn’t work for me.

When I bring myself back to reality, all those mentioned above, needs money in order to have that dream to come true. And for that money, I have to work. Now, working is not that difficult. But finding the one that fits me perfectly, that’s a whole different story.

Document controlling, was lucrative. But I find it totally boring. And the hundreds of papers I’m dealing with gave me panic attacks and large amount of stress. Document controlling are not just about filing ok. Its controlling papers! And papers are my ultimate weakness! Who remembers me filing in school? I lost heaps of them!!

2009 has been a difficult year thus far. Financially, I’m still coping very well, but emotionally, I’m lost. I’m lost with all this clutters. I’m still searching. I don’t want to drag myself to work forever. I need to find my niche.

It’ll be for awhile. I’m sure I’d find what I want eventually. I’m searching. Hard. Very very hard. And this time, I’ll make sure. I promise myself, I’ll pray to HIM, that I’ll truly find what I really really want. 2009 will end great, with me striving for what I believe.

Three cheers for Aisha!!